Walls

   Walls are a funny thing. Most of the time they are built so sturdy and strong. They are meant to protect and keep stuff out. Normally, they do a great job at that. That is until you knock them down. 

     Unfortunately, I have created many walls in my own life.  I use them to protect and keep hurtful things out. I also build them up so that I can keep strong. I can not allow something/someone to come in and make me weak.  When walls are broken it allows vulnerability to show. It means that you are setting yourself up to be hurt (or at least that is how I see it).  

      I think that is one thing I really enjoyed so much about Nicaragua, my walls were down the whole time. I allowed so much love to fill me and allowed relationships to develop. It was amazing, and I never feared getting hurt. In turn, they also embraced the love. They did not allow past hurt they may have had to serve as a reason to distrust and build walls. I think it is easy to lower your wall to people, when you know they are craving your love, like the people in Nicaragua, my children and even my parents. 

     I have allowed my "walls" to control me for so long. I have missed out on so much, because I fear the hurt and pain it  could cause if I allowed someone to really break those walls and get to know all of me. The insecurites that I have fought kicks in and tells me once someone truly gets to know me, they will end up hurting me.

     So now I pray that I may begin to weaken and lower my walls. I want to be able to let people "in" like I did in Nicaragua. It was a good feeling there and I want to be able yo experience it more. I also need to realize that even if I get hurt, it's ok, because everything will work out the way God has planned it!