Does Everything Happen For a Reason?!

  There are many nights I wake up and simply can not go back to sleep! This drives me crazy and makes the next day quite hard. I am not positive why I am unable to sleep, but lately I take the "quiet" time as a time to reflect.

    I think so often I get so caught up in what I want. I let my desires take over and get caught up, yet again in trying to make myself happy. I tend to forget the bigger picture that Gods got this and already knows the bigger picture. 

   I definitely am not shy and love meeting new people. I try not to take life to serious anymore, because when I do I feel I set myself up for disappointment. So here I am trying to live in the moment and not over think things. This is a little hard for me!! But the more I am living in the moment and not worrying so much about the future, the happier I am becoming. I used to be hesitant about believing everything happens for a reason. However, here lately I have finally started to see all the puzzle pieces starting to come together. God places the right situations and the right people in our life at just the right time. 

   I am not going to lie, I wish some of pieces would not have been so hard, but how can I wish any of them away when I take a step back and look at where I am in my life. They are were lessons and experiences which grew me and my character. I know I still have many pieces left to complete my puzzle, but for the first   time in awhile I feel it is coming together nicely. 

    I am seeing how all these things that I did not understand finally making sense and I am excited about that. I am not 100% positive where my life is going, but I do see doors opening and one of those is me getting to be able to help my friends in Nicaragua and my friends at Compassion! 

    So yeah, I think everything happens for a reason. I think God lines everything up perfectly for us, we just have to be willing to embrace it and continue to have trust and patience. I have said this before, this is definitely not where I thought my life would be, but that is ok, because Life has a funny way to work out how it is supposed to.  

    I will end with this quote which is a favorite if mine. Experiences grow us and help us better to handle the life God has planned for us, whether in relationships , work, or just day to day situations. 

  " Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn."

C. S. Lewis

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/c/cslewis103466.html#e7LoiPzLcjQX24fP.99

   

Humbly, 

Amber 

Equal.... Nah not really

    I feel if you asked the majority if us, "are we all created equal" the answer would be yes. But time and time again as a society and world we disprove this answer. I know myself as embarrassed as I am to say it, I know I have not always treated people as equals. The thing is we know the biblical truth that God loves us all the same and in the end we will be treated equal-by God. But I think we tend to forget this truth as we carry on with life.
     Here in the States I have often seen people ridicule and make fun of people who have less than them. I have seem name calling and and be down right rude.  I have been guilty sometimes of automatically judging a situation and thinking thoughts in my head that are not the best. However, it is not our duty to judge or decipher why they are where they are,  but rather have compassion and show them the love of Jesus. It is up to them how the handle the help they receive. I try reminding myself and my kids we are all one bad choice or even one bad unfortunate situation that could have us in the same position. I think as a nation we tend to not care as much for the homeless or needy.  (There are of course exceptions.) A simple example if a crime Happened to a homeless person, I personally don't think it would be given the due diligence as a tax paying person who might be blessed with more in life. I think we justify it by saying well they won't be missed or they don't have much anyways so we will get to it when we can.  I am reminded of this and shown that this is not just a United States issue.  If you keep up with my Facebook you know of the troubles that Nicaragua is facing. They have been having many earthquakes of substantial magnitude since Thursday. Since I just got back and built many wonderful relationships I do feel more bonded with these people and more uneasy about what is going on there.   One of the areas that is being hit especially hard is the Compassion site. Nicaragua had many low income areas. But the Compassion site is one of the lowest. After the first quake hit Thursday this area was hit with a big aftershock and are receiving many every hour. However, the news reported not much damage. Even in Nicaragua, since that area is very poverty stricken it is not even news worthy.
      This breaks my heart and convicts me all at the same time. I got to know these people and their families. I got to see a part of their hearts and I embraced it and I am so glad I did. I got to see them as real people, children of God, and the "equals" God created all of us to be. They are not just a number and they definitely do not have less value, because of their economic status, yet by them not even being news worthy, we have shown them and the rest of the world they are unworthy. We have validated to them that they have no hope and that there is nothing more for them. (Thank goodness Compassion does help and offer hope) . This convicts me because I think sometimes here at home I may "help" people, but I do not get to know them and embrace them as I did in Nicaragua. I did not validate them and show them they have worth and value and are "equals" to us in God's eyes even if they love in a world that undervalues them.
   Please pray for all right now in Nicaragua. Much if the nation is in a state of panic and understandably so. They say big quakes hit every 40 years and they are due. The last one was in 1972 and killed over 10,000 people and did massive amounts of destruction, especially the Capitol Managua. There has already been damage in many areas do pray they are contained at that and no more damage. They are also predicting volcanic activity so please pray that this will not happen. And finally pray for Cory and Stacy who are the missionaries who live there. Pray God protects them and gives them the necessary tools and understandings I dealing with the relief process.  Remember for the majority of people there they don't have cars or a way to leave and escape the potential so I know you can understand their fear. I do have faith that we still serve a faithful God who loves ALL his children!


Diligently praying ,
Amber

Btw / here is the latest blog from Cory and Stacy
http://condestinoanicaragua.blogspot.com/2014/04/do-not-be-afraid.html?m=1

No Idea

    When I was preparing for my trip, I knew I would come back changed.  I knew Nicaragua would impact me, mold and shape me.  What I was not ready for was my return home.  I thought when I got home, things would just be the same and that I would just maybe react to things a little different.  However, that simply is not the case. 
     I prayed going in that God soften my heart, humble me and continue to break me so that I can be remade leaving my strongholds and struggles out.  God for sure answered my prayers.  The people I met and made relationships with in Nicaragua have left a permanent stamp on my heart.  I am still in awe of their hospitality, gentleness, appreciation and sincereness.  It is qualities that we as a whole lack here in the United States. 
    We visited many homes and they always made us feel so welcomed.  They may not have had a lot, but whatever they did have they offered it to us.  We always had seating pulled out for us, so that we would be comfortable.  The people also stopped whatever they were doing and made time to talk and visit with us.  This humbled me some, because when I am at home, I struggle to make time for people and if someone comes over I am not nearly as hospitable as they were.  They make time for people and relationships, yet here I let "life" consume me.  We always left receiving so many "thanks" and hugs, which was awesome and heart warming.
     We visited one farmer during his busy season and he stopped what he was doing along with his wife to talk with us.  They also took us on a tour of his property and offered us so much fruit.  We were there well over an hour and the whole time he made us feel so welcomed and not only that, but they were proud.  They were proud of what they had and happy to share.  I think for myself sometimes I get in the mindset, in which, I feel I worked for this, and I do not have much so I need to be very careful in who I share it with.  This simply is not the case there. 
     If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram you know that I built a couple relationships and one that was very dear to me was with a little boy named Ariel.  I met him on Saturday and saw him Sunday and Tuesday as well.  Both days we talked and played.  Sunday we had a fiesta for they children from the church and one of the things we had was a piñata.  Towards the end of the day, Ariel came up and gave me two presents.  At first, he handed me a piece of gum, and my instinct was to say no thank you; but luckily a girl from Nicaragua was sitting with us and said you should take it, because it is disrespectful if you do not.  He then brought me his bracelet.  This made me pretty emotional, because here he has so little and he is giving me one thing of his.  I thought going into this trip I would be the one giving, not them.  It was so enduring and sweet and I have not taken it off yet and it is a great reminder of the selflessness that the Nicaragua people exhibit.
   This is only a tad bit of some of our experiences, and these experiences are what has changed me.  So now I am at a place of now what?  I had no idea it would be this difficult to transition back home.  I feel irritated with people, yet, I thought when I got back I would be more understanding.  I see how fast paced we are, and how much we have in excess and how we no longer put value in relationships.  This makes me have less patience for people right now and I thought I would come back with more patience.  So this is now my struggle, how do I take the emotions I felt there and the lessons I learned apply it to my life, so that I am not just impacting people in Nicaragua, because I want to also make a difference here in the states.
    Life will never be the same.  The relationships I built will always been in my heart and I am so grateful, God softened my heart so I could fully embrace the people, their culture and the lessons they taught me.  I pray that God now can soften my heart again, and that I can find the balance using the lessons I learned and apply it to the "American Life".   
    

Their Story

      I have always heard that everyone has a story and I am beginning to agree. I also think many people want to share their story and have someone listen to them. Perhaps it is so they can have an advocate, supporter, a voice, or someone just to relate and not just automatically judge them.
     Sometimes in life we are dealt hands we just don't understand. They often seem unfair and cruel and can make us question God and ask why? I don't think we will fully know the answer to this question here on Earth, but I am confident that it still perfectly fits God's plan and that good still comes out of even the hardest of circumstances.
      When I visited the Compassion site, I immediately felt myself wondering , why them Lord, why do I have so much and they have so little, but when I left that thought changed a little. Yes I still wish they had more and I still hate they live in such poverty, but they are blessed in areas I am poor in.
      My Compassion child is named Victor. He is 5 years old and so sweet and loving. Many things about him remind me of my boys and reminds me that no matter what ethnicity or economic status we are all humans and children of God.
      We had the pleasure to go down to his house and see where he Iives and meet his family. He lives with his grandmother , uncle (Felix who is 10), his brother Wilver( who is 3) and his mom who is 19. The area they cook in is right outside the house and there is a sink right outside to do laundry , however, they do not have water. There is an opening to the house (not really a door) and to the immediate left was a little spot where there was a bed. That is where the mom and Wilver slept. All the beds were very humble. There is a tiny tiny area which had a small hammock and that made up the living room. They had sheets hanging to separate the beds. Then straight back was the grandma's bed and the beside that was Felix and Victor's bed. They did have electricity and above each bed was a barb wire. Their clothes hung there and there probably is enough for 2-3 days. They have to keep up high in case it rains and floods the floor. The walls and outside were cement blocks and I did not see any toys or any thing else really.  There was an outhouse out back that was covered by tarp.
    The grandmother then showed us the small humble yard and we walked to the back of the house. We then saw written was Wilver 2009. She explained to us her son wrote that on there right before he was killed in a car wreck. She got very emotional telling us the story and said he was only 14 and was very well liked. We also found out she had one more son in jail. Hearing this my heart broke. Not only did she live in poverty, but she also had such tragedy in her life. We also found out that Victor's mom had an 8 year old son too. Now remember she is only 19. I think it is a fairly reasonable assumption to assume she was taken advantage of at that young age, and once girls "become of age" this is a common occurance there.
     When we met the daughter she was wearing a rather short skirt and this is someting I wondered about. Sure we all wear shorter stuff here in the states but it is acceptable here, but not as much there. The mother used to work in a factory but no longer does, so another reasonable assumption would be how else she makes her money. This is where I began relating to the story. Yes all of the above has heartache but this broke my heart completely. I know first hand how you can feel when you have been taken advantage of. I know how it can make you feel, how it lowers your self esteem and makes you feel worthless and how it especially makes you lose trust in humans especially men. And in my situation I was older it did not go as far. It took me until I was 30 to admit this and begin healing and moving forward from it, yet she had to face it head on since she became pregnant.
    I also know I would do anything to provide for my kids and making a little money for her is literally life and death. I know it is easy to automatically begin judging her, but we need to remember what she has been through, where she is now and that she is still an awesome child of God. And God always knows out heart and why we do the things we do.  I just could see the despair in her and see a broken girl even in her extreme beauty. I know she feels she has lost hope, but Compassion can help and begin to give her hope again.
    The boys hair showed they were malnourished and there bellies were tight, indicating parasites and this was hard to see. We were able to take grandma,  Felix, Victor and Wilver out to lunch. We took them to a fast good restaurant with a play place. They had so much fun and had a great time. When I got done eating I put my napkin over my food. A couple minutes later I saw Victor going to it and getting my food. It just showed me he is always in complete survival mode. We were also able to bring the mom something back. This was the first time they had ever been out to eat. Man talking about convicting , here my kids fight about which place we eat and here they never ever get this opportunity.
     Thanks to Stacy, I was able to bring Victor a little bag of toys. It was so enduring and sweet to watch him. There was one point he had a little stuff animal and he ran and gave it to Wilver. He also gave some to Felix. This warmed my heart and showed me that even though they live in poverty they have so much love for each other and respect and showed me that perhaps I lacked in some of that.
    I absolutely feel in love with this family and am so glad I could meet them and get a glimpse into their life. Wilver also stole my heart and was so snuggly and lovable. It was so hard to say good bye and I did not want to. When we hugged grandma bye we noticed her fingers. They had become nubs and her fingernails were almost gone. This was due to her job. She cleaned and did laundry for other people and is a very hard worker. She works hard to support her family and she is proud.
     It is very easy to get caught up in all the negative that surrounds them, because they do have a lot of hardships. But I find it comforting that they have Compassion to help in what they can and give them hope again when life seems hopeless. I am praying daily for them and look forward to growing and strengthening my relationship with the whole family. I pray I can be a small voice and advocate for them but most of all I pray they continue to love Jesus even amongst their heartaches.
   

Humbly yours,
Amber