The end of this past summer, the two older kids and myself went to Carowinds, for my birthday. We had an awesome time!! I used to be fearless when it came to rides and I would ride anything. However, I have to admit, by the 4th upside ride we rode, I felt a little nauseous. I actually got a little sad, that I just could not hang like I used to. Not sure if it is because I am getting older or having kids or what, but man I think my face actually turned a little green and I did have to hang my head low and sit out a ride!! Rolle coasters are fun, but they are a mix of emotions, fear, excitement, joy, suspense, worry and so many more. Well I feel I am on a rollercoaster now in life, and honestly not quite sure how to take it.
I love a little fear and the anticipation of a rollercoaster, it keeps you on your toes and awakens a part of your heart that stirs up excitement. But right before I get on, I always want to back out. The what ifs start popping in my head and I start to worry. What if... it breaks down...what if....my seat belt is not tight enough..... what if it falls off the track... Yes my mind goes crazy in those final moments.
Life is fun, life is challenging, it is filled with highs and lows and ups and downs. It is a rollercoaster. The challenging part about life and a rolle coaster is deciding who to ride the ride with. Since December, I have had so many of these highs and lows. My grandmother who I am extremely close to, had to move into Pennyburn. It is an extremely nice nursing home and I know it is the best of the best, but when I visit and see her confusion in who I am, it is devastating and I am having a hard time dealing with it. I also have lost my best friend, who was my dog for 17 years. I loved that little girl. She loved me unconditionally, lasted longer than any relationship and was just there for me when I needed her. I also had a big scare concerning my mom, this past Friday. I know this is "life", and I always try to maintain a positive attitude, but I think when you tend to be a "happy" person, people don't allow you to have "down" moments.
I have done a lot of praying and fasting these past couple months and have relentlessly been hoping for a breakthrough. I want God to open my eyes so big and wide, so I am fully living out his will! I am not a patient person, and I do feel God has revealed so many things to me, which is an awesome feeling, but again it is like the rollercoaster. Even when I feel I am fully trying to live for Him, the human nature side comes out, and I allow confusion, doubt, fear and so many more emotions come into play. I am quite positive, God is growing my character more now than ever, but please pray with me, that I can continue to grow and be the woman He has called me to be and that I can start handling situations without feeling like I am on a rollercoaster.
Diligently praying,
Amber :)
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