The Paddle

    When I was in college, I went on a white water rafting trip.  I have to say it was a lot of fun, I really enjoyed it.  I sat on the very back of the raft and by the end of the trip, I was exhausted.  I paddled so hard and got the best workout.  I really thought I was helping our raft out.  At the end the guide even told us we should do the next level up, because he thought we could handle it.  So I left the trip really thinking, I was awesome at this new activity I tried.  I was sore, I had fun, and the guide even thought I was good at rafting.
     At the end of the trip you had the option of buying a video that taped some of your experience.  Of course I bought this, I wanted the memory and I wanted to "show off" my new ability to friends and family.  So needless to say, I was so excited to watch the video.  However, I was shocked at what I saw.  Oh I was paddling great and as hard as my little heart would let me, but there was one problem, the paddle never hit the water.  It was actually comical to watch, here I was paddling so hard and the only opposing force was the wind, no water.  I was so disappointed, all that hard work for nothing.  The sad thing is I really thought I was doing my part and making a difference.  Just like in life, I think I am doing good, praying, trying to do right, but the truth is I fail miserably everyday.  My hope and goal, however, is that I can just become better than I was and continue to work and grow everyday.
      As a woman and single mother I think it is very easy to get caught up and say, man I am doing good .  I do the laundry, run errands, cook, clean, take care of kids, do baths, work out,, work two jobs, get kids to sports,  etc......  Now the list could go on and on but while it does help in some aspects, if I am not spiritually being the woman and mom God as called me to be, then it is not helping and all that hard work really will not make a difference until I do become that woman of God.  Trying to be this Godly woman is one of the hardest journey I think I have been on. Fighting all these flesh desires is hard, but well worth it and this is such a growing and humbling experience.This is the first time in my life that I am truly seeing what a difference God is making in me.  Life is always difficult and hard, but through the trials is where you see your character grow.  "each one's work will become clear for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one's work, of what sort it is.  If anyone's work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward."(1 Corinthians 3:13-14)  If the work you do, is done in the right attitude and right intentions, God will bless that and things will work out.  Like in life, God will bless it, but it takes a lot of paddling.  I can do everything I am  "supposed" to do, but without  God's grace, I am just padding in thin air.