Trust

     I love that feeling I get when one of my kids might fall and get a little boo boo and they run to me or want me.  The older ones might just want the reassurance from me that they will be ok and the younger ones want me to kiss it (once I kiss it seems to be all better).  It is amazing to me that they have that much trust and faith in me that a kiss or a reassurance hug is all it takes to make it seem better.  I wish I could give them the gift of always trusting that way, but life teaches us differently.  As we grow up and get older we come across and get taught life lessons that teach us otherwise.  We learn not to be so trusting and to be guarded.
    I struggle everyday with trust and Sunday at church one of the songs was I Will Trust In You.  Man I really needed to hear those words.  There is so much in my life right now that is new and requires me stepping out of my comfort zone.  Naturally, the first thing for me to do is have doubt and to question.  I am trying to follow and trust the Lord with these things, however that is hard and new for me.  I can make excuses all day long why I do not trust, but the simple fact is God has never given me a reason not to trust him.
   My life is not where I thought it would be and this makes me sad some.  There are times I want to go back in time and change so much or make different and better choices, but the fact is that is not possible.  Through all of this God has been there, whether I let Him in or turned away from Him, He was there.  So now I am trying to trust that God has and is still working on my character through the process of my life.  He is making me stronger and I am learning to lean to Him and come to Him for the wisdom I desperately need.  I have learned no matter how good someone is, they are still human and imperfect and until I can fully trust God to guide me and trust that He has me, I am going to continue distrusting everyone and continue pulling away from anyone who attempts to get close to me. 
    Saying you trust God is totally different, then actually listening to Him and do what He says even when it may not be what you want.  As I am doing this, I am starting to see me having trust again in more situations.  I am beginning not to worry so much and even starting to regain trust in people again.  This is hard but it feels good too. 
    As I am mentally trying to prepare myself for Nicaragua, I have been praying and thinking a lot about trust.  I can only imagine how some of the people there feel and especially the children.  The people here have so little, have had family members taken away and deal with way more than we can imagine.  Kids have lost parents so young to sickness and work so young.  They have every reason to be bitter and not trust.  Yet, many embrace people coming in helping them and embrace hearing God's word.  They TRUST what we say even when their whole lives they have been showed actions that would cause many of us to never trust again.  I am faithfully praying now that I can continue to gain this trust and learn from all the many wonderful people I will come in contact with on this trip!!

24 days!!!
Amber