A couple of weeks ago, we had a slight incident with our toaster oven. It had a little malfunction, that resulted in a small fire. Now, I do know enough from being married to a fireman, to keep it contained and I did. It stayed contained and never got out of the toaster oven, but out of precaution, I called 911. Ironically, I was wearing a HPFD sweatshirt, and just put vitamin e on my face, so it was sticky and shiny. I am sure I was quite a site to see, good thing firemen are no longer really my thing!!! However, right before this transpired, the kids and I were writing letters to Santa. I even wrote one, which happened to be laid out. I am quite positive they saw it!!!
I decided to have fun with my letter. I wrote that I wanted "my perfect guy" for Christmas!!! I even listed the characteristics I was looking for. Now, I know that someone is saying, you seriously can not be that picky, but I am. I like hats on guys, I like tattoos, I like a guy who is active and enjoys sports, but I love someone who can make me laugh, I love a man who Loves God and a man who loves his children. The things I used to think was so important are not as important to me know and its the other qualities that stand out to me now. And these qualities I love were in bold caps in my letter, while the others were just merely written.
I have not been back to dating long, but since I have, I feel I have been in a boxing match. It is exhausting and I am ready just to take the KO and not "fight" in anymore rounds. Now do not get me wrong, I love the talking and meeting new people. It is fun and exhilarating and makes you feel pretty good, it is the rest that is exhausting. I have never really been one to date more than one person at a time, but I am learning that this is the norm. This is a little challenging to me, because it is hard to decide where your limits are when you are dating more than one person. Can you kiss each one, how well do you allow yourself to get to know them, do you allow yourself to potentially "fall". I know with me I stay pretty guarded and I even feel myself, become somewhat bitchy too. I know it is more of a defensive mechanism, but how is even possible to totally open up to someone, when there is more than "one" in the picture. To me opening up, is more intimidate and takes time and trust. So I am finding it very hard to really truly get to know someone under these conditions and to allow someone to get to know me.
Then the thing I try not to think about is this..... I do feel I am constantly in a boxing ring. Throwing punches and receiving punches. You constantly have to throw punches to stay in the game and you are constantly receiving them just to keep up and compete with others. I am a very competitive person, but very selfish when it comes to dating. I want to be number 1, yet this is such a hypocritical statement, and I am aware of this. That is why I am about just to take the KO and take another year off!!!!
Finding the balance,
Amber
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