Standing

    If you had asked me a year and 4 days ago, where I would be in a year, I would have given you a totally different answer then what my reality is.  I would have given you an answer that included my family still being in tact.  However, circumstances change and sometimes whether you want it or not, you life begins to change. 
    A year and 3 days ago, my life drastically changed.  My "forever" left and I had to come head to head with many new choices and decisions.  Honestly, at first I did not have the drive, I was sad, it was near the holidays and all I could think about was how am I going to do this alone?  I have said before I have been in a relationship for almost straight 17 years, yes it included a couple different relationships, but regardless I never took time for myself.  I always had to be with someone and I felt I needed someone.  So when I decided to take the past year off from dating, I knew it was going to be hard and challenging.
    But, here I am a year later and I made it and I am still STANDING.  Not only am I still standing, but I feel I am at a much better place emotionally than I have been in a very long time.  I have found myself again and am no longer defined by who I am with.  I no longer am living in my past mistakes, but am happy with where I am and who I have become.  I now feel proud and accomplished.  I have learned to hang things, now many maybe a little crooked, but they are hung.  All these things that I thought I would never be able to do, I am doing it, perhaps not perfect, but I am learning that I like the imperfections.  My children's Christmas may not be as "big" as they are used to, but they will have to learn not about the "material things" it is about the time and memories made, as I need to learn it is ok for them not to get everything they "want".
     I am so far from the perfect person and the reality is I am still a single mom.  I still have hurts, frustrations, and fears, but now I am choosing to have hope.  Yesterday in church we talked about hope and it hit home.  My hope does not mean, I know my future will be always happy and optimistic, but rather my hopes are tangible.  I know and believe that God is invested in me and I choose to trust in  His plan for me.  I now know I will still face challenges, but the hope gives me the courage to take them on.  I am expecting more obstacles, but I know God is for me, not against me, and these obstacles will continue to grow my character, and continue me into the woman God has called me to be.   My present situation could allow me to be a victim and be disappointed in life.  And even lose the drive, energy and motivation to keep trying.  But Hope shows me that my unknown future is known, because of the cross.  It allows me to keep going, keep my head up and stay positive.

Love,

Amber