I know that I have shared Before that I struggle with self worth. I do not struggle nearly as much as I used to, but it is a battle I will always fight. I allowed this to take over every area of my life; with relationships and especially my relationship with God.
It is no big secret that I have not always made the best choices in life, and I am a pretty open book. It has always been out there for all to judge and I used this as an excuse to keep me from my calling. I allowed it to take full control over me and I believed this lie that I was to unworthy to fulfill my calling and if I tried it would be ineffective.
This simply is not the case and as my self worth as increased so has my self confidence in who I am. I think there are other people like me who feel they are to unworthy to serve God, because of who they are or what they have done. However, look at David in the Bible, he was a murderer and an adulterer. Heck he even had an affair with his best friend's wife and then killed him to cover it up, and God said he was a man after His own heart. I am not throwing that out there to denounce Christians, but rather say we are all sinful and all have made mistakes and will always continue to because we are human. We all have a calling and a gift, "We have different gifts, according to the grace given to us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully. Romans 12:6-8
The experiences, battles, and struggles we face is just part of the process needed in God developing our character. We are all broken and we all have struggles and Gid needs imperfect people to relate and minister to the people the rest of society as deemed unworthy. God wants us to be be able to relate to everyone and relate to some of the strongholds people are facing. I honestly feel God is calling a new generation of people in the ministry. The broken who have found healing in God and now can use that as a testament.
God wants every single one of us. Even if you think you are "too bad" or too far gone . That is just a lie from the enemy to prevent you from being all you can be. God has already equipped you with the necessary tools and heart to be what He wants you to be. God is seeking you, running after you, and coming after you; even if you are bruised, scarred, broken or no matter how bad your past is. God's love for us is more than we can ever imagine and fathom. So embrace it, hold on to it and let it transform you. Take it in and let it fill you up . Then allow yourself to see the person you are as God does and as God as made you; awesome , wonderful and someone that He wants to fulfill their calling.
Love!!!
33 days:))
Amber
Sunday, February 23, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Outward Appearance
I read a story awhile back about a preacher who dressed himself as a homeless man, and went near the "new" church he was getting ready to start pastoring in. To his surprise he was ridiculed and not really helped that much. He was amongst "Christians" the ones, who should exhibit love and should help. After all are we called to love and help everyone and try to let God's love shine through us? This story did not really surprise me as much as it saddened me.
I try and always remind myself and tell my children, we are all one bad choice or uncontrolled circumstance from being in a similar situation. It is not our job to judge why people are where they are or to make fun of them, but I feel it is our duty to help them in some way. I know everyone does not have the resources to help them finically, but you can pray for them, or talk to them and just treat them as humans and as equals. I have seen people mock homeless people and point and just berate and that hurts me.
That is the beauty of Jesus, he could careless about the outward appearance. He knows why people are in the situation they are in and he knows the heart and cares about the heart. He loves us all no matter of economic status. He wants us all in Heaven and the awesome thing is ANYONE who gives their heart to Jesus will be worshipping in Heaven all together.
I said before although I am so excited to help on my missions trip, I also feel I need this for selfish reasons. I need to be humbled again. I have a feeling some of the things I will see will be gut wrenching and I know this will be hard, but it will give me a chance to see "more" to someone than just how they look. I will get to spend time with people and invest in them. I am sure if some of these people were on our streets they would be passed by, because they are extremely poor and will look homeless.
There is a Christian artist I really like, Lecrae, he posted a picture of a homeless man playing the piano. I loved the picture. It was heartwarming and touching. Everyone has a story and no matter what people deserve to be treated as humans and helped!! They are not gross or mean they are still people and people we are called to love.
So I ask that you pray for me that my heart continue to be humbled and see past the surface of things and embrace the strengths in all people and not dwell on the superficial part. Also, pray that I continue on having a servants heart and that I am able to use it for God's glory.
36 days out.....
Amber
I try and always remind myself and tell my children, we are all one bad choice or uncontrolled circumstance from being in a similar situation. It is not our job to judge why people are where they are or to make fun of them, but I feel it is our duty to help them in some way. I know everyone does not have the resources to help them finically, but you can pray for them, or talk to them and just treat them as humans and as equals. I have seen people mock homeless people and point and just berate and that hurts me.
That is the beauty of Jesus, he could careless about the outward appearance. He knows why people are in the situation they are in and he knows the heart and cares about the heart. He loves us all no matter of economic status. He wants us all in Heaven and the awesome thing is ANYONE who gives their heart to Jesus will be worshipping in Heaven all together.
I said before although I am so excited to help on my missions trip, I also feel I need this for selfish reasons. I need to be humbled again. I have a feeling some of the things I will see will be gut wrenching and I know this will be hard, but it will give me a chance to see "more" to someone than just how they look. I will get to spend time with people and invest in them. I am sure if some of these people were on our streets they would be passed by, because they are extremely poor and will look homeless.
There is a Christian artist I really like, Lecrae, he posted a picture of a homeless man playing the piano. I loved the picture. It was heartwarming and touching. Everyone has a story and no matter what people deserve to be treated as humans and helped!! They are not gross or mean they are still people and people we are called to love.
So I ask that you pray for me that my heart continue to be humbled and see past the surface of things and embrace the strengths in all people and not dwell on the superficial part. Also, pray that I continue on having a servants heart and that I am able to use it for God's glory.
36 days out.....
Amber
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Tick Tock
There are so many afternoons or nights I get home from work and am just starving. I have laid out things for a great dinner, but I am so hungry I just start eating junk and fill up on it. After I eat the junk I feel miserable. I wish I had just waited the extra 30 minutes for me to prepare my dinner. It would have tasted better, more fulfilling and healthier. This concept of waiting is hard for me in "life" and a struggle I face.
I have stated some before that I have a lot of things I am waiting on right and that I struggle with it. I like things to happen now and as fate would have it, the series they are preaching on at church is about waiting. I need to be reminded of the reasons I need to wait, to be reminded that God's plan is worth the "wait". Here is some of the highlights of the past two sermons.
The biggest reasons God is making us wait is to prepare us and protect us. We desperately need these two things and when we don't wait we will miss out on the long term plans that God has for us.
He protects us from many things, including my impulsiveness. Just like with the dinner, I was impulsive and ate junk instead of waiting for a better dinner. He wants us to think and rethink a situation and ask for wisdom and seek Him for guidance. He also could be protecting us from certain relationships. I see this now in my life. He wants me to wait because he is still developing character in all involved so that we can all be what God wants us to be, so that we can come into the relationship the way God planned it. If I try to rush it, then it will go sour and downhill, because our character is not developed enough to handle life together yet. If you don't wait then a situation could abuse, cause pain and hurt you. So even though God is asking me to wait, I do see the changes happening in me and I see my character developing. I also see a clearer path now as to what I am looking for and what I need to stay away from.
God is working on more than our character but also our heart and integrity. He needs to prepare us for what is ahead, because he knows at this point we can not handle it. We need to experience some of life first and let him continue to work on the situation(s) and allow him to perfect it, while we wait. He also could be preparing someone else for your journey and God is also preparing them for you (this is what I feel God has told me), it does make the waiting harder.
So as hard as the wait is, I am learning not to rush and not to push ahead and pray and ask for guidance on what is coming next. He is still working behind the scenes and creating something far more purposeful than we can image. This is somewhat exciting. I am thankful he is working on me and preparing me. He is changing my character so I do not continue to act irrational where a situation could not be the best for me!
I have stated some before that I have a lot of things I am waiting on right and that I struggle with it. I like things to happen now and as fate would have it, the series they are preaching on at church is about waiting. I need to be reminded of the reasons I need to wait, to be reminded that God's plan is worth the "wait". Here is some of the highlights of the past two sermons.
The biggest reasons God is making us wait is to prepare us and protect us. We desperately need these two things and when we don't wait we will miss out on the long term plans that God has for us.
He protects us from many things, including my impulsiveness. Just like with the dinner, I was impulsive and ate junk instead of waiting for a better dinner. He wants us to think and rethink a situation and ask for wisdom and seek Him for guidance. He also could be protecting us from certain relationships. I see this now in my life. He wants me to wait because he is still developing character in all involved so that we can all be what God wants us to be, so that we can come into the relationship the way God planned it. If I try to rush it, then it will go sour and downhill, because our character is not developed enough to handle life together yet. If you don't wait then a situation could abuse, cause pain and hurt you. So even though God is asking me to wait, I do see the changes happening in me and I see my character developing. I also see a clearer path now as to what I am looking for and what I need to stay away from.
God is working on more than our character but also our heart and integrity. He needs to prepare us for what is ahead, because he knows at this point we can not handle it. We need to experience some of life first and let him continue to work on the situation(s) and allow him to perfect it, while we wait. He also could be preparing someone else for your journey and God is also preparing them for you (this is what I feel God has told me), it does make the waiting harder.
So as hard as the wait is, I am learning not to rush and not to push ahead and pray and ask for guidance on what is coming next. He is still working behind the scenes and creating something far more purposeful than we can image. This is somewhat exciting. I am thankful he is working on me and preparing me. He is changing my character so I do not continue to act irrational where a situation could not be the best for me!
Friday, February 14, 2014
Awkward
When I was in 6th grade I had a boyfriend on Valentine's Day! Seeing each other in the hallway and writing notes and perhaps a couple phone calls of complete silence was the extent of our relationship. So I definitely was not expecting a gift on Valentine's Day, but to my suprise I got a box of chocolates and some roses. I felt so awkward and embarrassed ... All I got him was a card. I think to this day it has traumatized my perception of Valentine'sDay! I really do not care for it and for that matter I do not really care for flowers !
You often hear people say, you should not just celebrate the people you love one day a year and I understand that, but I also understand how to some it can be a fun excuse to profess your love to someone! I do feel we often neglect our love ones and forget to tell them on a daily basis how much we love them or care for them. I am guilty of this sometimes., so perhaps this is a day to remind us.
I especially neglect professing and telling My Savior how much I love him. I think love is an amazing thing and it is an especially amazing gift He gives us all. My prayer here lately and a prayer I am asking you to pray with me is that when I go on this mission trip, Christ's love will shine through me so bright that all the people I come in contact with in Nicaragua will see this love and want it!!
So even though I might not be a fan of Valentine's Day, I am still a fan of love. I do not like the cheesy romance but I love the butterflies love gives you. And most of all I love knowing I have an endless love and am unconditional love from My Heavenly Father!!
42 days,
Amber
You often hear people say, you should not just celebrate the people you love one day a year and I understand that, but I also understand how to some it can be a fun excuse to profess your love to someone! I do feel we often neglect our love ones and forget to tell them on a daily basis how much we love them or care for them. I am guilty of this sometimes., so perhaps this is a day to remind us.
I especially neglect professing and telling My Savior how much I love him. I think love is an amazing thing and it is an especially amazing gift He gives us all. My prayer here lately and a prayer I am asking you to pray with me is that when I go on this mission trip, Christ's love will shine through me so bright that all the people I come in contact with in Nicaragua will see this love and want it!!
So even though I might not be a fan of Valentine's Day, I am still a fan of love. I do not like the cheesy romance but I love the butterflies love gives you. And most of all I love knowing I have an endless love and am unconditional love from My Heavenly Father!!
42 days,
Amber
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Satan's Attack
I am going to be honest with you and say this past week has been hard. I was warned and was somewhat prepared for Satan's Attack. That does not take the sting off anymore and definitely does not make the hurt go away. Satan is attacking my insecurities in many areas of my life, and honestly I understand why people give up their calling and decide to quit pushing forward. I get it and it has crossed my mind. This is hard, this is real life, but going into this I decided I would not give up and I would see things though.
When I get hurt, I naturally get defensive and sometimes I even seek revenge. It might not be something big, but I try and get even and go back and forth in these trivial insults, hurts, threats, and perhaps even doing the same thing. And although this is tempting, I do not want to be that person. I want to be more, be the bigger person and give it to God. I know that sounds easy, but let me tell you it is not. That means giving up control and totally trusting God to take care of this. I know we all say, "God's got this", "trust in God", but how many times have you actually fully give all control over your life to God? I have not and I am now and it is hard. I have to have trust in Him and trust is so hard for me.
One specific hurt I am facing and moving past is; I am to the realization I can not change people. It simply does not matter how much I expect from them or how much I want from them, their "change"
has to come from within themselves and in their hearts. This hurts me in a couple areas of my life, I hate letting go and I hate "waiting" for them to change, but it is above me and all I can do is pray for their heart and for myself continue on this incredible journey that is being laid out for me.
I have often heard the bigger the attack the bigger the calling. This scares the mess out of me and also excites me. I can tell you I have been attacked in my relationships(friends and partner), kids, insecurities, doubt, and list goes on. But this is not about a pity party, but rather learning how to give it to God and pressing though. (I realize and see everyday the struggles everyone goes through) I am still a little apprehensive about thing's that still might come, but I am also excited!! I know without a doubt this mission trip, the journey to it, the aftermath of it, the life lessons, The Word and Gospel being shared,and the upcoming missions is going to be worth it 10 fold. Not only for me but for all involved!
Diligently Praying for everyone reading,
45 days away,
Amber
When I get hurt, I naturally get defensive and sometimes I even seek revenge. It might not be something big, but I try and get even and go back and forth in these trivial insults, hurts, threats, and perhaps even doing the same thing. And although this is tempting, I do not want to be that person. I want to be more, be the bigger person and give it to God. I know that sounds easy, but let me tell you it is not. That means giving up control and totally trusting God to take care of this. I know we all say, "God's got this", "trust in God", but how many times have you actually fully give all control over your life to God? I have not and I am now and it is hard. I have to have trust in Him and trust is so hard for me.
One specific hurt I am facing and moving past is; I am to the realization I can not change people. It simply does not matter how much I expect from them or how much I want from them, their "change"
has to come from within themselves and in their hearts. This hurts me in a couple areas of my life, I hate letting go and I hate "waiting" for them to change, but it is above me and all I can do is pray for their heart and for myself continue on this incredible journey that is being laid out for me.
I have often heard the bigger the attack the bigger the calling. This scares the mess out of me and also excites me. I can tell you I have been attacked in my relationships(friends and partner), kids, insecurities, doubt, and list goes on. But this is not about a pity party, but rather learning how to give it to God and pressing though. (I realize and see everyday the struggles everyone goes through) I am still a little apprehensive about thing's that still might come, but I am also excited!! I know without a doubt this mission trip, the journey to it, the aftermath of it, the life lessons, The Word and Gospel being shared,and the upcoming missions is going to be worth it 10 fold. Not only for me but for all involved!
Diligently Praying for everyone reading,
45 days away,
Amber
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Don't Care
I love when I am home or with my kids and I am having a bad day, they just seem to smile and make things seem better. With their age comes such an innocence. They do not care about my past or mistakes I made, instead they love me for me and that definitely brightens my day.
That is one of the cool things I think about missions. The people you help, do not automatically judge your appearance, but rather see you as good, as someone who is there to help. They do not care about your past, color of your skin, how many tattoo or piercings you have, your height, hair color, college degrees, jobs, but rather they care about you. They latch on and adore you for who you are and how you act to them. There is no preconceived notions. They see the heart of a person, not the appearance. They see how you are with them, the love you potentially have to give them and the helping hand they so need.
Here, there are times I feel no matter what I do, I will always be judged for certain things. It could be the stereotype that comes with my appearance or my past, either way, as a society we care more about the outside of someone than the heart of someone. I am learning "not to care too". I am beginning to see that outward perception is so over rated and sometimes the people who have the biggest heart and are always willing to lend a helping hand are the ones you would least expect. These are the people I want in my life and to surround myself with. I do not care if you are the prettiest, ugliest, smartest, dumbest, most successful, or have 100 tattoos or a beard to your chest. I care where your heart is and that is the way God is too. We can not fool him.
I think one reason I feel so called to missions overseas is because I feel that this is where I will be able to be the most effective in my "mission field". I think I will be most effective here for all the above reasons.
47 days away.....
Amber
That is one of the cool things I think about missions. The people you help, do not automatically judge your appearance, but rather see you as good, as someone who is there to help. They do not care about your past, color of your skin, how many tattoo or piercings you have, your height, hair color, college degrees, jobs, but rather they care about you. They latch on and adore you for who you are and how you act to them. There is no preconceived notions. They see the heart of a person, not the appearance. They see how you are with them, the love you potentially have to give them and the helping hand they so need.
Here, there are times I feel no matter what I do, I will always be judged for certain things. It could be the stereotype that comes with my appearance or my past, either way, as a society we care more about the outside of someone than the heart of someone. I am learning "not to care too". I am beginning to see that outward perception is so over rated and sometimes the people who have the biggest heart and are always willing to lend a helping hand are the ones you would least expect. These are the people I want in my life and to surround myself with. I do not care if you are the prettiest, ugliest, smartest, dumbest, most successful, or have 100 tattoos or a beard to your chest. I care where your heart is and that is the way God is too. We can not fool him.
I think one reason I feel so called to missions overseas is because I feel that this is where I will be able to be the most effective in my "mission field". I think I will be most effective here for all the above reasons.
47 days away.....
Amber
Friday, February 7, 2014
Words
I said yesterday that I really love listening to song lyrics.. Well a few years back there was a song called "Standing Outside A Broken Phone Booth", by Primitive Radio Gods. Well until recently I thought the song said, "I've been down in Harlem" instead of "I've been done-hearted. Yeah I would sing it out loud too so there is no dealing how many times I embarrassed myself. Even when I knew the correct words it was so hard for me to say them because my brain had already implanted "I've been down in Harlem".
One of my worst flaws is saying things I do not mean out of anger, fear or hurt. This is something I am desperately trying to change because whether I mean them or not, once said, the words are imprinted on the brain. I don't want to be someone that degrades or brings someone down but rather lifts them up. I know for me when I hear negativity so much... I actually start believing it about myself. You could tell me you love me 100 times and you hate me 2 times and I am going to remember the "I hate you" comment more.
Words are powerful and I do personally feel you can speak certain things into existence. I am hoping with my trip I can use words and speak life, power, happiness and speak God's word to them. I hope positive words can make a difference to them and I hope I can leave good words for them to imprint on their brain.
One of my worst flaws is saying things I do not mean out of anger, fear or hurt. This is something I am desperately trying to change because whether I mean them or not, once said, the words are imprinted on the brain. I don't want to be someone that degrades or brings someone down but rather lifts them up. I know for me when I hear negativity so much... I actually start believing it about myself. You could tell me you love me 100 times and you hate me 2 times and I am going to remember the "I hate you" comment more.
Words are powerful and I do personally feel you can speak certain things into existence. I am hoping with my trip I can use words and speak life, power, happiness and speak God's word to them. I hope positive words can make a difference to them and I hope I can leave good words for them to imprint on their brain.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
DESIRES
The past couple months I have tried to spend a lot of time in prayer, reflecting and in the word. I think I have found out a lot about myself and one being I think I have made many decisions based on what I think I need and not want. Now, do not get me wrong, this is good to a degree but I kept thinking my "wants" and "desires" were selfish and not what was best. However, through this self reflection, I see this is ok!
I definitely think God wants us to have the desires of our heart. "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4 When you go after only what you "think" you need, things are obviously going to go astray, and that happened to me. When I threw my desires away and focused only on what I thought I need, I changed my way of living, thinking, and doing to continue to fit the mold of what I thought I needed to be, all the while inside I was miserable. I knew this was not what truly made me happy but I thought it would make my life better. Boy was I wrong. In this process, I lost myself, I stopped doing what made me happy, what I enjoyed and I put my goals and aspirations on hold and in the misery my walk in Christ suffered.
I recently have actually been praying that God open doors for the desires of my heart and guess what, he has. One of them being doing missions. It is so exciting that God has abled me to find a way to do this mission trip and continue to provide for it, even when I have doubted it. BUT he knows this is such a huge desire of mine! I also have more desires and what I am learning is if you have a strong convection with it, it probably is not from God. I have had one that I just continue to pray Lord if this is not from you please take this desire away and although he is not taking it away, he is telling me to be patient with it. And things will work themselves out. But see this is hard for me, I want things now and yesterday, I do not want to wait. However, in this wait God is preparing this "desire" to be even better. I still need to develop myself in the person He needs me to be. It almost appears to be too good to be true. I feel there is no way this could be for me, because I am underserving of what I see as almost perfection, but what I see as almost perfection, is from the desire He has put on my heart. I also see it at face value and say oh man there is no way that will be good for me, but then God reminds me there is so much more than just what appears at the surface and I need to pray to get a glimpse of the "heart" involved. It falls into the category of something I have wanted and I used to think oh this would be bad for me, but that just is not the case. I am learning to have trust in hearing God, patience in waiting for God's timing, and faith that when I keep my eyes focused on Him, I will have my desires.
I definitely think God wants us to have the desires of our heart. "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart" Psalm 37:4 When you go after only what you "think" you need, things are obviously going to go astray, and that happened to me. When I threw my desires away and focused only on what I thought I need, I changed my way of living, thinking, and doing to continue to fit the mold of what I thought I needed to be, all the while inside I was miserable. I knew this was not what truly made me happy but I thought it would make my life better. Boy was I wrong. In this process, I lost myself, I stopped doing what made me happy, what I enjoyed and I put my goals and aspirations on hold and in the misery my walk in Christ suffered.
I recently have actually been praying that God open doors for the desires of my heart and guess what, he has. One of them being doing missions. It is so exciting that God has abled me to find a way to do this mission trip and continue to provide for it, even when I have doubted it. BUT he knows this is such a huge desire of mine! I also have more desires and what I am learning is if you have a strong convection with it, it probably is not from God. I have had one that I just continue to pray Lord if this is not from you please take this desire away and although he is not taking it away, he is telling me to be patient with it. And things will work themselves out. But see this is hard for me, I want things now and yesterday, I do not want to wait. However, in this wait God is preparing this "desire" to be even better. I still need to develop myself in the person He needs me to be. It almost appears to be too good to be true. I feel there is no way this could be for me, because I am underserving of what I see as almost perfection, but what I see as almost perfection, is from the desire He has put on my heart. I also see it at face value and say oh man there is no way that will be good for me, but then God reminds me there is so much more than just what appears at the surface and I need to pray to get a glimpse of the "heart" involved. It falls into the category of something I have wanted and I used to think oh this would be bad for me, but that just is not the case. I am learning to have trust in hearing God, patience in waiting for God's timing, and faith that when I keep my eyes focused on Him, I will have my desires.
Sunday, February 2, 2014
Victor
When I am in Nicaragua we will go visit him and his village. Compassion has a policy where each each child is only given one sponsor, so we are the only ones that finically support him. I know you hardly ever get to meet the child you sponsor so how cool is this??!!
Victor's house is mostly wood walls and dirt floors. His diet is mainly rice, beans and plantains. There are so many health issues in his area and most of the people in his area make around $80 a month. So as you can see they have very little. I wish I could help so many more but at least we are making a difference to him!!
I know times are hard and yes $38 a month is a lot.... I get it-I am raising 4 kids and sometimes I stress about money, but at the same time I probably waste that on frivolous items every month. Just think what $38 a month can do to them verses what we spend it on.
The kids also enjoy this. We get to write him, pray for him and I am able to teach them valuable lessons from this. So if anyone wants more information on sponsoring a child please let me know!!
54 days away,
Amber
Saturday, February 1, 2014
BROKEN
"The single cause of atheism in the world, is people who acknowledge Christ by their mouth and deny him by their lifestyle." Brennan Manning
I have used this quote many times before and it is one of my all time favorite quotes. If you ever read much of Brennan Manning's things, you know he was a man of God but also a very broken man. He had his struggles, strongholds and he was honest about these. We are human and we will never be perfect no matter how hard we try or no matter how much we try to make others believe we are.
For a long time I myself lived in a state of hiding behind a smile and pretty face. I thought just professing I was a christian I was helping bring SO many to God. however, I now have learned I did more harm than good, because I was that quote. I spoke I loved Jesus but I did not live my life accordingly. I hid my pains and my struggles. So here I am now, let me introduce myself, "Hi, my name is Amber and I have been /and still am broken, I have been hurt and I have hurt, I think, say, listen , and watch things that may not be the best choice, but I am human and I am TRYING to be a good person and my heart has changed.
I was hurt in my childhood years, then in my teen years a situation left me feeling powerless. I let these situations define me and take over. I allowed the pain and hurt to become my excuse, I allowed it to make me a victim. Let me clear this I had a great mom and loving family but that does not negate the fact I was hurt and I let it take power over me. I let this hurt tell me everyday I am worthless and unlovable. I looked for love all over and when I started to feel it some I pushed it away, because I did not want to be "hurt " by it. This "lie" even hurt my walk with God. I would not accept the love he was yearning to give me, therefore I could not be the woman God wanted me to be. This is still a struggle and it will always be, but I have learned to love myself and be confident in who I am and who I am in God. Most importantly I am allowing myself to embrace God's love.
I feel we now live in a broken world. So many people have been broken. And if you have not count your blessings! For me personally, I feel sometimes it is easier for me to relate to people who have been in similar situations. I hope I can be a light to anyone who has struggles and maybe they can relate just a little to me.
I have always loved helping but the desire has grown stronger and I do feel God is going to use where I have been and my past brokenness to help others, especially in the mission field. So yes I am a Christian and I love Jesus wholeheartly , but my struggles are still here and I still hurt and I still am not perfect and will continue to make mistakes and screw up, but I have this relationship now with our Heavenly Father and I know that even though all of that will happen , I am LOVED by him and has much as a cliche as this sounds, having that love helps fight them head on instead of playing victim!
I have used this quote many times before and it is one of my all time favorite quotes. If you ever read much of Brennan Manning's things, you know he was a man of God but also a very broken man. He had his struggles, strongholds and he was honest about these. We are human and we will never be perfect no matter how hard we try or no matter how much we try to make others believe we are.
For a long time I myself lived in a state of hiding behind a smile and pretty face. I thought just professing I was a christian I was helping bring SO many to God. however, I now have learned I did more harm than good, because I was that quote. I spoke I loved Jesus but I did not live my life accordingly. I hid my pains and my struggles. So here I am now, let me introduce myself, "Hi, my name is Amber and I have been /and still am broken, I have been hurt and I have hurt, I think, say, listen , and watch things that may not be the best choice, but I am human and I am TRYING to be a good person and my heart has changed.
I was hurt in my childhood years, then in my teen years a situation left me feeling powerless. I let these situations define me and take over. I allowed the pain and hurt to become my excuse, I allowed it to make me a victim. Let me clear this I had a great mom and loving family but that does not negate the fact I was hurt and I let it take power over me. I let this hurt tell me everyday I am worthless and unlovable. I looked for love all over and when I started to feel it some I pushed it away, because I did not want to be "hurt " by it. This "lie" even hurt my walk with God. I would not accept the love he was yearning to give me, therefore I could not be the woman God wanted me to be. This is still a struggle and it will always be, but I have learned to love myself and be confident in who I am and who I am in God. Most importantly I am allowing myself to embrace God's love.
I feel we now live in a broken world. So many people have been broken. And if you have not count your blessings! For me personally, I feel sometimes it is easier for me to relate to people who have been in similar situations. I hope I can be a light to anyone who has struggles and maybe they can relate just a little to me.
I have always loved helping but the desire has grown stronger and I do feel God is going to use where I have been and my past brokenness to help others, especially in the mission field. So yes I am a Christian and I love Jesus wholeheartly , but my struggles are still here and I still hurt and I still am not perfect and will continue to make mistakes and screw up, but I have this relationship now with our Heavenly Father and I know that even though all of that will happen , I am LOVED by him and has much as a cliche as this sounds, having that love helps fight them head on instead of playing victim!
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